MST mends family, paving road to duccess
“It’s not going to work. Nothing has worked in the past.”
All too familiar words heard when an MST therapist takes on a case. Father Matthew and stepmother Linda had their doubts when their 17-year-old son, Michael, was referred to the MST program at Adelphoi Village. Michael was aggressive at home and struggled with academics and school attendance. The family tried a series of formal support programs over the years. Nothing worked. The boy’s parents were sure he wouldn’t change and that he would probably “fire” the MST therapist just as he had so many others before.
They were right insofar as Michael did want to dismiss me at one point. However, within 20 minutes, he called and apologized. He told me the treatment was helping and that no one had approached or worked with him as I was. He even said that he did not want the MST treatment to end.
Parents learn to supervise
Michael did more than give it a chance: He succeeded. Initially, he took the attitude that his grades were none of his parents’ business. He was passing, albeit barely with D’s, and that was all that mattered. Michael did not put effort into his schoolwork and resisted all attempts to improve. He refused to discuss school with his parents. With MST, Linda and Matthew took steps to increase their supervision, including checking their son’s grades online. Furthermore, with my assistance, they implemented a structured homework time every day for 30 minutes. Michael had to show one of his parents what he had worked on. The boy was angry with the arrangement at first, but adhered to it. At the time of Michael’s case closing, his grades were up from D’s to B’s and C’s, and he was in reach of honor roll for the first time.
Michael increased his pro-social activities. He joined the church choir on Sundays, ran on the track team and took on two parts in the school musical. Furthermore, he was a finalist in a local talent competition. These accomplishments mean the world to the teenager, but what means more to him is his parents attending his school activities and collaborating with teachers.
Replacing negativity with positive communications
At the beginning of therapy, Michael revealed that his parents did not watch him perform anything. The reason for this supposed lack of interest came out. It seemed Michael was bad-mouthing Linda and Matthew to anyone who would listen. I worked with them on communicating better to remedy the negativity and strengthen their relationship. The resentment, anger and hurt feelings decreased over time. Linda and Matthew now participate in his community activities and have gone to various performances. The increased warmth and family cohesion were the main factors in resolving this problem.
Another problem to be resolved was before treatment, Michael thought his stepmother treated her biological children differently than she treated him. He lashed out at them. His stepmother and stepsiblings were greatly affected by Michael’s negative behavior and interactions. With the help of MST, all family members worked diligently to change the way they treated each other and develop respect.
When Michael performed in a show at his high school, it was a beautiful affirmation for him to see his stepsiblings sitting in the audience cheering him on. In addition, when the youth’s stepgrandfather visited, he said to me, “Whatever you and this family are doing, keep doing it because he has improved since I saw him last.”
MST finds the fit and helps the whole family
As is often the case, the child wasn’t the only one to benefit from the therapy. Michael’s parents were having marital difficulties to the point that Linda was talking divorce. I worked on a fit assessment with them and discovered she was feeling left out of the parenting picture. Drivers were gathered and interventions were developed. Linda and Matthew learned how to better communicate with each other about Michael and make joint decisions. They increased their efforts to spend time together as a couple.
One of my favorite moments working with Michael and his family came when the boy asked if he could give my business card to a teacher who was having problems with her own son. Michael said that he immediately thought of the MST program and wanted to help her. It was quite a compliment to receive as an MST therapist.
This family had incredible strengths to build upon, and with commitment and work by each family member, I’m happy to report they are doing well.
Diane Bieliski is an MST therapist at Adelphoi Village.
