Thanksgiving, that wonderful holiday when turkey abounds and families get together to enjoy each other’s company. Oh yes, and to give thanks for all they have. One woman is grateful to her MST therapist for making it possible to enjoy the company of her 16-year-old sister, who had been in and out of trouble and court, and was heading toward placement.
We were in court again because C had messed up. Another arrest. And that wasn’t all she was doing. She wasn’t going to school at all. Some days, I’d drop her off, and she’d sneak out the back door as soon as I left. She would run away for weeks at a time, staying at her boyfriend’s house all hours of the day and night. She was smoking marijuana and doing God knows what else. When she was home, she was disrespectful, and we argued. She was stealing from me, stealing from stores, and hanging out with friends that I didn’t approve of—the type of friends who ended up on the news because of the stuff they were involved in. I had to deal with all of this because I took in my sister when no one else was left to take care of her. Not to mention I had four of my own children to take care of, the youngest barely four months old that day in court.
I gave her one last chance, and accepted the MST program and probation as her disposition in family court. And that brought Ms. Sarah, the MST therapist, into my house. When we first started, I didn’t think it would work. Nothing had worked with her before. Normally when C talked to an adult, she would have an attitude or be in a world of her own, not hearing a word the person was saying.
Ready to throw in the towel
In the beginning would be OK one day, and then the next day, she’d be back to her old ways. I would say “Ms. Sarah, I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore” because I really didn’t think it would work. I couldn’t deal with C anymore. It got so bad that I went to court and signed a parent disposition and asked the judge to put her away. The day the judge was going to make her decision, I turned to Ms. Sarah before we walked into the courtroom and asked her what she thought I should do. She told me it was my decision. If I chose to continue treatment—and she was straight with me—it wouldn’t be easy. But, if I put in the work, it would pay off, and I could get what I wanted—a C that actually followed the rules and didn’t make me want to pull my hair out. Ms. Sarah promised she would be with me every step of the way.
So I agreed to give it another try. And C still had another few screwups. But Ms. Sarah told me everything wouldn’t change at once, and nothing would change without work, but if we tried, we could get there. So we went all in. Several times when C ran away, Ms. Sarah came with me at the crack of dawn to the boyfriend’s house to bring her home. I had the baby strapped to me, being forced to call the police to get the girl to leave the home.
Rules and rewards
Ms. Sarah helped me clarify to C exactly what it was I expected from her. We drug-tested her. Ms. Sarah taught me how to do it in-between sessions. We created a program with rewards and consequences for all the rules C had to follow: like no drugs, follow curfew and attend school. When Ms. Sarah first suggested this, I made a face because where I’m from, we don’t reward kids for doing what they’re supposed to do. Ms. Sarah looked at me and said, “You’re looking at me like I’m crazy right now. You’re missing home, aren’t you?” I laughed, and we talked through how it might be worth trying this even if it wasn’t the way I had been taught. When we first told C about it, she said she didn’t care. Ms. Sarah said we should still follow through. It was all very hard in the beginning, yet Ms. Sarah was always there. And then things started to change . . .
The first time C complied with curfew for a week straight, it was a big deal. I wasn’t awake through the night worrying about if she was safe or if I was going to get a call from the police or possibly even a hospital. One week turned into two. Two weeks turned into a month of her coming home on time and not running away. I couldn’t believe it! She started testing clean for drugs. Started going to see her probation officer every week like she had to. There’s been such a change—she started helping me with her nephews, getting them ready for school and walking them there. The last struggle was her own school. After not having attended consistently for years, there she was, getting promoted to ninth grade after being held back two to three years. Now she brings her homework home and shows me. I am proud of her, and our relationship has gotten much better.
MST therapist paved the way to improved communication
Ms. Sarah helped us to be better at communicating. Because we would fight, oh we would fight all right. But Ms. Sarah was always available to mediate, day or night, weekday or weekend. We got close Ms. Sarah and I, she was my main support through all of this. She would call to check in on us. She would talk to both of us and help us to hear each other out. C always had an attitude with adults, but Ms. Sarah got through to her. I think because she never picked sides. She was never on my side or C’s. It was equal. C would ask, “Am I wrong Ms. Sarah?” during our arguments, and Ms. Sarah would have us talk through things. C listens to me now. When she was driving me crazy in the past, I would tell her that I didn’t care if she went away. I’ve started to show more affection, which is hard for me. Now C knows that she’s wanted and that I am proud of her.
MST changed things for the better in my family. C and I have a relationship that I never would have thought was possible that day in court. The results are sticking, and I’m amazed. I had a great experience, and in the end, I didn’t want Ms. Sarah to leave. She was always there to support me, any time I needed her. If she was off, there was the on-call therapist who would pick up the phone and listen to me. And even though I didn’t want her to leave, Ms. Sarah left us with what we needed to keep all of this up.
Thanks to MST, we have so much to be grateful for.
To learn more about the positive impact of MST on siblings, download this white paper.
