An MST supervisor reflects on the importance of fatherhood
I grew up in a time when fathers in my Hispanic culture were expected to be strong disciplinarians and primarily focus on providing financially for the family. My wife and I have been blessed with two gorgeous and conscientious daughters. When my first daughter was born, I knew I did not want to contribute to the cultural stereotypes of what a father should be and do.
At the time of my oldest daughter’s birth, I felt I understood the concept of fatherhood. I knew it went far beyond money and discipline. Being a father means providing warmth, exhibiting appropriate behavior—not just toward my children, but other members in the community—and being involved in their day-to-day lives and impromptu needs.
Early on, I emphasized showing my daughters that men can be warm and nurturing. It was important to let them know that demonstrating affection and emotions is not gender based. In this way, I was breaking the stereotypical image of a Hispanic father. I remember walking my daughter to school when she was in kindergarten, holding hands. Every day, when we arrived at school, I would give her a hug and let her know how much I loved her. Now, I pick up my younger daughter from school twice a week, not because I have to, but because I want to show her that I value each moment with her. Dedicating quality time to each of my daughters is priceless.
What are the responsibilities of a good father?
It is my responsibility to teach respect for others, a sense of civic duty and very importantly, lending a helping hand to those in need. Modeling appropriate behaviors teaches my children to better manage their own behaviors. It helps them develop and acquire skills necessary to overcome life’s obstacles, learn the value of self-sufficiency and gives them confidence in setting, pursuing and accomplishing their personal goals. Talking with my daughters about the importance of a higher education and occasionally, bringing them into my work setting, has been key to stirring aspirations and giving them hope for their professional futures. Not many weeks after my oldest daughter was born, I enrolled in college. I am proud to say that my oldest daughter just completed her first year of college.
As fathers, we need to make ourselves available to our children. “Actions speak louder than words.” Our involvement in social, family, community and school activities like open houses, recitals, family gatherings, shared meals, award ceremonies, experimenting with new, positive things are crucial when it comes to prodding our children to always try their best, continuously seek learning opportunities, be respectful and honest, and become well-rounded individuals. The more involved and nurturing fathers are, the more receptive children will be to staying on the right path. And before we as fathers can do that, we have to appreciate the true meaning of fatherhood.
In MST, parenting is gender-neutral. We work with mothers, fathers, grandmas, aunts, uncles, older siblings, kinship guardians…anyone who has a desire to support this child into a bright future. We honor each individual’s relationship and gifts that they bring to the bond with their child.
So Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers and those in the father’s role who work to provide a place where their child knows that they are loved. You deserve all the hugs, kisses and attention that you receive.
Ernesto Peraza is an MST supervisor at San Fernando Valley Community Mental Health Center, Inc.
At MST, we want to celebrate all caregivers. On Mother's Day, we released an e-book celebrating mothers. Read more.
